While dreaming, I turn away from the earlier ones, feeling saturated and satiated with those experiences. Not that they have been fulfilling! Chances have been squandered for fear of alienating the others. There’s always a feeling of comparison that works against each other. I do not enjoy comparing their uniqueness, but the consciousness rushes in to group them and create an identity to place them in awkward positions, competing compulsively. It is always a necessity with the world to establish a new space by either diluting, squeezing and obliterating them from a distorted reality to create another one. It is always disturbing to see a world that was dreamt of, in a fragmented truth; a truth which was overpowering and coercive. It was the only truth which weaved a reality in a pattern. The following nothingness, the void, is quite unimaginable and difficult dealing with. Emotions are never prepared to deal with the sudden changes, like the vacuous feel that winter brings. All these could be experiences which are unnecessary and disturbingly engaging. Darkness has a lust that permeates the soul and influences its feelings. Of all my innate feelings submerged and buried in the deepest parts of a mysterious world. I try to belong to the dreams, be a sensible companion, as they emerge from a part of my consciousness, but I fail to detach from them when I realise the folly. All that I can do is to discriminate between the experiences and choose the ones that will be comfortable and fulfilling.
~Amitav
Amitav Chowdhury 