He was fidgeting with the windows. Although it was morning, he wasn’t sure of welcoming the light. The room was pulsating with uncertain vibes. It was probably because of the kind of dreams he has been experiencing lately. Serene darkness did not make its way towards a simple path but deviated and crowded him with worrying dreams. The paroxysms were becoming intense; it was quite expected of a melancholic mind.
Adan was unsure of waking up so early after an uncomfortable night. It was cold, but he was feeling uneasy and tired, also, perspiring due to the recurrent symbolism of his dreams. He wished to forget the nights by looking out of the window, but also grew tired of the distant world that was extremely busy with its responsibilities. Initially, he tried smelling the fresh air, but there was only a stifling feeling of a claustrophobic world; closing the window did not necessarily cut him off from the world either.
The annoying phone, a necessity and an intrusive instrument, did not allow him to be in that kind of stupor for long. Adan knew that all kind of introspection and leisure of evaluating the purpose of his life is futile because he has to quickly plunge into the strong current of an approaching deadline. It is kind of uncanny feeling that the same ringtone on a phone can sound different depending on the caller and urgency. Is it that modern devices had some kind of sixth-sense? Or, it could be his mind playing tricks with him after a tiring night.
Whether he likes it or not, he has to navigate through this day; starting from now, with some fancy talking, that is being glib, to be understood and taken seriously. After the chatter, he will have to rush through the morning chores, gobble up some breakfast, and lose himself in the crowd. His identity is bound to the office seat and designation. Once Adan reaches office, he unburdens the night’s worries quite deftly. Here, in office, he will be working on his deadlines, trying to persuade clients, and of course, negotiate with the superiors with some stiff jargons.
The morning magically recedes, quite fast, and the afternoon strikes with some hunger pangs. Although Adan did not enjoy the office food, he had to stuff himself reluctantly to fuel his journey till the day end. It is a kind of ritual one has to follow, or pressured to adhere to a routine, when everyone around is behaving in a certain manner. He can’t afford to shut the window purposely and seclude himself. Being unapproachable and an alien being amidst a connected world; more connected than ever. But the connection is quite feeble and necessity driven.
Sitting in front of the computer, wasting his brain while executing someone else’s idea and fighting for the dream of few. Well, that’s what he’s settled for. Slowly, it fatigued him to even think of the daily commute and endless meetings to convince and engineer a hopeful scenario for him to exist one more day; to be relevant and taken seriously, holding to an identity given to him. Adan did understand the cliches of daily routine but was also restrained by the guidelines set for the working professionals.
He almost always did not find the window to either inhale some fresh air or escape the stuffiness of the proletariat world. He could escape only for a few hours at night, but that luxury has been snatched away from him by the kind of dreams he has been having lately. Adan was not superstitious and did not think much of the images that were occurring frequently in his dreams. Searching for the meaning of dreams will mean sitting in front of the computer, and losing himself again, in the vast digital world. It is like an alternative eternity, where human coded algorithms dictate the journey.
While he looked at the tallest buildings and structures, he wondered if the windows these days were only ornamental, a necessity, because windows had always been added to them to make it breathable, and sometimes, connect the loneliness inside to the noise outside. Some buildings have expunged windows from their designs and survive on artificial breathing. Adorned in the extra glitz and unnecessary design deviations, the imposing structures reflected some of the urban ostentations.
Adan still believed in these dreams and flowed with the common dreams when the world wakes up. All that the night had done to him he forgets and decides to take on life. It is a kind of compromise and also the reality that he cannot deny. Although most of the reality is in a kind of denial, extricated itself self from the primaeval truth. All that Adan can dream of and deal with the constant visitations of unwanted ones, he finds a way to steer himself with a disturbing passion.
Now, looking out of the window, the artificial lights seemed to have a hallucinating effect on him. He did not replay the day’s events and was looking out, while his face resembled a blank canvas, but crumpled.
~Amitav
Amitav Chowdhury 